Facing the Ex

So, one of my biggest struggles with being a stepmum is dealing with the ex-wife. It baffles me that my hubby could have ever married the woman. She really is such an unpleasant character, who seems to revel in making our lives a misery.

So, on Sunday it was the little ones' birthday and my husband insisted I go along to the party, knowing how difficult I find the whole situation. I really didn't want to go, but knew I should support him.

I can't meet her eye, there's been too many situations and arguments for us to ever be friends and I find being in her presence makes me jittery, uncomfortable and anxious. 

But it could have been worse. I managed to suffer her for over an hour (and pretty much ignore her). I felt sorry for her ex husband who looked equally as unhappy to be there as I did! I guess that's just what you have to deal with as a stepparent.

Good start to the weekend

My step-kids stay with us five nights a fortnight - all in one big chunk. This is quite a rare situation I guess, most dads do a night here, a weekend there, but what can I say, my hubby is a good dad.

So, this is the beginning of one of our weekends and so far so good! We haven't seen the kids for a couple of weeks and they seemed full of beans and happy to chat - even the teenager!

I always feel uncomfortable on the first night they arrive. A bit out of place. Even after all this time it's a little like I'm an intruder in my own home, encrouching on their time with dad. I think this is definitely my issue though, not theirs. It's easy to read something into nothing and assume the worst. But last night was a bit different. I came home cheerful, determined to get off on the right footing and it was a good decision. I got hugs and kisses and a genuine sense that they'd missed me. It was nice.

I've just got back from a trip and couldn't resist buying the girls a little treat when I was away so I think they were pleased I'd thought of them - it's always hard to know for sure as they get so much from their mum that gifts are more like commodities. But still.

Dancing seemed to be the main evening activity and it was nice to see them both happy and cheery. I sat in the kitchen to eat tea so I could watch them and felt a bit more relaxed than normal, which was nice; normally I'm wound up so tight I can't let my hair down, which is strange as on the whole I'm a fun, happy and sometimes silly person!

The good thing about having a good first night is that it sets me up for the next few days, sets the tone, fingers crossed the rest of the weekend goes so well. I have to see the ex on Sunday and that is not a nice thought.

Starting Out

Although I've been a stepmum for longer than I care to admit (!) I've come to the conclusion that it never gets any easier. The trials and tribulations of having a whole, ready-made family thrust upon you is more difficult than anyone could ever imagine, unless they are a step-parent themselves.

I have two step kids, one who's ten, the other 13, both girls. I've known them since they were small and I care about them deeply, but it's a continual struggle. I know parenting is equally filled with difficulties, but the knowledge that the child is your own flesh and blood invariably sees you through those darker days. Unfortunately step-parents don't have that same clarity.

So, I've decided to start this blog to get my own feelings off my chest - prepare yourself for some pretty anti-ex comments! - and to try and connect with other step-parents. The overall aim, to share my feelings and hopefully help those just starting out on the rocky, step-parent path.